She's So Easy

She's so easy Roger Ebert gives her two thumbs up...  her ass!

I love Las Vegas.  It's the only town where you won't get in trouble for hitting on 13.

Cigarettes are expensive, so you should quit buying them, but I bet you'll quit buying something else instead...  like medicine.

In the future, Spanglish will be the United States'official language, we'll spell phonetically with abreviations, and we'll have no vowels or numbers.

I'm really good at sex.  It's just hard to tell, because it's over so quick.

"I left early."
"Were you having a bad time?"
"No.  Actually, I was having a pretty good time."
"Then why would you leave?"
"What?"
"I can understand leaving if you weren't having a good time, but I don't understand having a good time and not staying.  Maybe if the cops showed up, or the bullets start flying."

To make a negative individual more positive, first make them wear an electric shock collar.  Then, whenever they say something negative, give them a nice jolt.  After awhile, they'll either become more positive, or they'll quit whining.  Either way, the world's a better place.

The love you have for your child is hard to describe.  Imagine the love you have for your dog.  It's almost as strong as that.

What A Bird Thinks:  "Thank you, God!  You've blessed me with the gift of flight... but I'd rather be stuck inside this cage.

She's so fat, if you want to have sex with her doggy-style, all you have to do is put a bowl of food on the floor.


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