I thought about it long. I thought about it hard. And not in the way that would get me gay benefits from the city of El Paso.
The word on the turd is...
A friend once told me he wanted to have sex with eagles.
"So you can fly?" I asked him.
"No," he said. "I just want to have sex with an eagle."
I support disarmament of the violent criminal.
Law & Order: El Paso
At the last minute I filed a restraining order.
Little person or little fucker?
He had that drunk eyes locked on nothing look.
...and puttered out of there in our Fred Flintstone car.
Both boobs a-blazin'!
thethingaboutmarriage.blogspot.com
@JimDuchene
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Aroma Therapy For Men
The smell of...
A Wedding Ring
Will make a man feel trapped.
A New Baby
Has no effect on him whatsoever. Besides, it may not even be his.
A New Woman
A man will risk losing everything for the chance to sleep with a new woman. After that, he never wants to see her again for the rest of his life. Or until he gets horny again. Whichever comes first.
A Home-Cooked Meal
My ex-wife's cooking was so bad that we once gave leftovers to the homeless... and they gave them back.
The Ocean
The amount of salt in the ocean is the same amount of salt that's in our bodies. In leiu of nothing funny to say, I thought I'd give you an interesting fact.
His Paycheck
Will often make a man feel sad for two reasons. One is that he knows he won't have it in his possession for very long, and the second is that he realizes that his paycheck is the only thing his wife is willing to blow.
A Wedding Ring
Will make a man feel trapped.
A New Baby
Has no effect on him whatsoever. Besides, it may not even be his.
A New Woman
A man will risk losing everything for the chance to sleep with a new woman. After that, he never wants to see her again for the rest of his life. Or until he gets horny again. Whichever comes first.
A Home-Cooked Meal
My ex-wife's cooking was so bad that we once gave leftovers to the homeless... and they gave them back.
The Ocean
The amount of salt in the ocean is the same amount of salt that's in our bodies. In leiu of nothing funny to say, I thought I'd give you an interesting fact.
His Paycheck
Will often make a man feel sad for two reasons. One is that he knows he won't have it in his possession for very long, and the second is that he realizes that his paycheck is the only thing his wife is willing to blow.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
The Best Defense
Can't get your little soldier to salute? That's okay. It's probably her fault, anyway. Even if it's not, it's a good idea to make her think it is.
Ten Things Men Say When...Well, You Know
1. I Blame YOU!
2. Damn that ObamaCare thing!
3. What? Oh, nothing. I was thinking about soething else.
4. It must have been something you said.
5. It must have been something you did.
6. It must have been those extra pounds you put on.
7. You're not feeding me right.
8. C'mon, you're not really trying.
9. My mom's been sick.
10. It must be that medicine I took.
Ten Things Men Say When...Well, You Know
1. I Blame YOU!
2. Damn that ObamaCare thing!
3. What? Oh, nothing. I was thinking about soething else.
4. It must have been something you said.
5. It must have been something you did.
6. It must have been those extra pounds you put on.
7. You're not feeding me right.
8. C'mon, you're not really trying.
9. My mom's been sick.
10. It must be that medicine I took.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Oxytocin/Vasopressin
Her pussy was easier to get into than a Democrat's voting booth.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the speed to kick the ass of anybody who gets in my way.
If God's a woman, does that make the Devil a man?
Do you know what would look good on you? Me.
Get the freak on.
If your wife always has her orgasm before her favoite soap opera comes on... she might be faking it.
Jam your ham.
If there's ever a nuclear war, cockaroaches and my ex-wives are all that's gonna survive.
So ugly, when he was born her daddy went to the zoo and shot the monkey.
Want your wife to show enthusiam during sex? Try taping a fifty dollar bill to the ceiling.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the speed to kick the ass of anybody who gets in my way.
If God's a woman, does that make the Devil a man?
Do you know what would look good on you? Me.
Get the freak on.
If your wife always has her orgasm before her favoite soap opera comes on... she might be faking it.
Jam your ham.
If there's ever a nuclear war, cockaroaches and my ex-wives are all that's gonna survive.
So ugly, when he was born her daddy went to the zoo and shot the monkey.
Want your wife to show enthusiam during sex? Try taping a fifty dollar bill to the ceiling.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)