If she has her orgasm a few minutes before the Kardashians come on, she may be faking.
Whip your skippy.
If there's a nuclear war, Bill Clinton's gonna be what's left.
I don't know what happened. Things were going great, until she caught me playing her piano with my dick.
The Seven Deadly Sins: Sleepy, Happy, Dopey, Grumpy, Doc, Horny... and Murder!
"I guess you don't like me much."
"I don't like you at all."
Hornier than a drunken Kennedy.
There's enough religion in the world to make men hate each other, but not enough to make them love each other.
The sex was so good you would have thought we were related.
She's so ugly her OB-GYN's a vet.
Friday, March 30, 2012
Friday, March 16, 2012
Me, Too.
Carlos "I Can Take An Ass-Kicking" Navar
Age is like a fine wine. After a certain point you turn sour, everything settles to the bottom, and they can't get rid of you quick enough.
I'm at an age where a birthday doesn't mean you're a year older, it means you're a year closer to death.
Porno mags. Naked and can't talk. That's the best part of it.
How else can you explain Christie Brinkley?
She wore a peek-a-boo nightie. First I peeked, then I booed.
She's so fat, she smells like bacon frying when she fucks.
Every time the judge says "order in the court" she says "I'll have a Quarter-Pounder with cheese."
A deposit in the booty bank.
When the dinner bell rings... you can eat me.
Age is like a fine wine. After a certain point you turn sour, everything settles to the bottom, and they can't get rid of you quick enough.
I'm at an age where a birthday doesn't mean you're a year older, it means you're a year closer to death.
Porno mags. Naked and can't talk. That's the best part of it.
How else can you explain Christie Brinkley?
She wore a peek-a-boo nightie. First I peeked, then I booed.
She's so fat, she smells like bacon frying when she fucks.
Every time the judge says "order in the court" she says "I'll have a Quarter-Pounder with cheese."
A deposit in the booty bank.
When the dinner bell rings... you can eat me.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
She Could Suck The...
She could suck the butt off a cat.
Shave a little. You've got so much hair you don't need shorts.
Evolutionary failures.
I have a Constitutional right to expect a certain degree of tightness.
When we make love, your body will be on fire. No, really. I'm gonna pour gasoline on you and light it.
"Where's Louie?"
"Let's just say his temperature matches his temperment."
To paraphrase Will Rogers: "I never met a naked woman I didn't like."
She was resting her head in my lap, if you get my drift.
One wave shy of a wipe-out.
You know, in the animal world I'm sure you can find the rare example where the male of the species mates for life, or helps with the raising of the young, but I'll bet you that they don't remember birthdays or anniversaries either.
Shave a little. You've got so much hair you don't need shorts.
Evolutionary failures.
I have a Constitutional right to expect a certain degree of tightness.
When we make love, your body will be on fire. No, really. I'm gonna pour gasoline on you and light it.
"Where's Louie?"
"Let's just say his temperature matches his temperment."
To paraphrase Will Rogers: "I never met a naked woman I didn't like."
She was resting her head in my lap, if you get my drift.
One wave shy of a wipe-out.
You know, in the animal world I'm sure you can find the rare example where the male of the species mates for life, or helps with the raising of the young, but I'll bet you that they don't remember birthdays or anniversaries either.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Why Do All...
Why do all the NBA players keep asking when my wife is coming back into town?
I'd show you my new tattoo, but you probably won't recognize it. You may not remember what a naked woman looks like.
Nothing is less sexy than a stripper dancing to country music.
Bragging about... is like bragging about picking up a girl in a whorehouse.
V-bone steak, tube steak.
Moo Shoo Pork, Moo Goo Gai Pan, Cream Of Sum Yung Gai.
Coca-Cola, Pepsi Cola, Male-Cola.
When the baby starts calling you "daddy," it's time to break up.
Blues so bad.
You sleep so well, because you lie so easy.
I'd show you my new tattoo, but you probably won't recognize it. You may not remember what a naked woman looks like.
Nothing is less sexy than a stripper dancing to country music.
Bragging about... is like bragging about picking up a girl in a whorehouse.
V-bone steak, tube steak.
Moo Shoo Pork, Moo Goo Gai Pan, Cream Of Sum Yung Gai.
Coca-Cola, Pepsi Cola, Male-Cola.
When the baby starts calling you "daddy," it's time to break up.
Blues so bad.
You sleep so well, because you lie so easy.
Body By Pillsbury
Man, some of my ex-wife's friends look hot.
She could suck the ham off a hog.
Served up nice and hot.
There's something different about you. Oh, yeah... you've got your clothes on.
My ex-wife's legs were glued together from lack of interest.
They'll eat tripe, but they won't eat pussy.
Working out your sphincter muscle.
I went through the girls in my college like Sherman through the south.
"Hey, boy, bring your sister to me later for some copulating."
"Okay. Jes doan be having no sex with her."
He's the top. You're the bottom.
She could suck the ham off a hog.
Served up nice and hot.
There's something different about you. Oh, yeah... you've got your clothes on.
My ex-wife's legs were glued together from lack of interest.
They'll eat tripe, but they won't eat pussy.
Working out your sphincter muscle.
I went through the girls in my college like Sherman through the south.
"Hey, boy, bring your sister to me later for some copulating."
"Okay. Jes doan be having no sex with her."
He's the top. You're the bottom.
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